Submitted by MrDave on Thu, 09/08/2005 - 17:08
Posted in
Purely in the interests of science, I have replaced the word "wand" with "wang" in the Harry Potter Book "The Sorcerer's Stone".
Let's see the results...
Quote:
"Why aren't you supposed to do magic?" asked Harry.
"Oh, well -- I was at Hogwarts meself but I -- er -- got expelled, ter tell yeh the truth. In me third year. They snapped me wang in half an' everything
Quote:
A magic wang... this was what Harry had been really looking forward to.
Quote:
"Yes, yes. I thought I'd be seeing you soon. Harry Potter." It wasn't a question. "You have your mother's eyes. It seems only yesterday she was in here herself, buying her first wang. Ten and a quarter inches long, swishy, made of willow. Nice wang for charm work."
"Your father, on the other hand, favored a mahogany wang. Eleven inches. "
Quote:
Harry took the wang. He felt a sudden warmth in his fingers. He raised the wang above his head, brought it swishing down through the dusty air and a stream of red and gold sparks shot from the end like a firework, throwing dancing spots of light on to the walls.
Quote:
"Oh, move over," Hermione snarled. She grabbed Harry's wang, tapped the lock, and whispered, 'Alohomora!"
Quote:
The troll couldn't feel Harry hanging there, but even a troll will notice if you stick a long bit of wood up its nose, and Harry's wang had still been in his hand when he'd jumped - it had gone straight up one of the troll's nostrils.
Quote:
He bent down and pulled his wang out of the troll's nose. It was covered in what looked like lumpy gray glue.
Quote:
He ran onto the field as you fell, waved his wang, and you sort of slowed down before you hit the ground. Then he whirled his wang at the dementors. Shot silver stuff at them.
Ok...And the definitive proof that J.K Rowling is a dirty DIRTY woman, making a fool of us all
Quote:
"Yes," Harry said, gripping his wang very tightly, and moving into the middle of the deserted classroom. He tried to keep his mind on flying, but something else kept intruding.... Any second now, he might hear his mother again... but he shouldn't think that, or he would hear her again, and he didn't want to... or did he?
Quote:
Something silver-white, something enormous, erupted from the end of his wang.
Quote:
Then, with a sigh, he raised his wang and prodded the silvery substance with its tip.
Quote:
'Get - off - me!' Harry gasped. For a few seconds they struggled, Harry pulling at his uncles sausage-like fingers with his left hand, his right maintaining a firm grip on his raised wang.
- Login to post comments
Post to Twitter
Harry Potty-mouth
Submitted by Kaarin on Thu, 09/08/2005 - 05:14.
Though there is a chapter in it titled "Doing Hogsmeade"
- Login to post comments
Harry Potty-mouth
Submitted by TwistedStranger on Fri, 09/09/2005 - 22:32.
Ah, yes, I think I got to that bit...The one where Hermione, Cho, and Ginny "entertain" the entire Hogs' Head Tavern after the occupants beat the ever lovin' ***t out of Harry, right?
- Login to post comments
Harry Potty-mouth
Submitted by Firefly on Sat, 09/10/2005 - 18:58.
You are all sick and twisted, you do realize that right?
- Login to post comments
Harry Potty-mouth
Submitted by Meredith Bell on Sat, 09/10/2005 - 19:22.
:rollofl:
- Login to post comments
Harry Potty-mouth
Submitted by Kaarin on Sat, 09/10/2005 - 20:47.
Firefly wrote:
You are all sick and twisted, you do realize that right?
It's not our fault if Harry grabbing his wand sounds like it could make for a really interesting drunken mistake!
- Login to post comments
Harry Potty-mouth
Submitted by TwistedStranger on Sat, 09/10/2005 - 21:27.
Er...um...yeah, I realize that. I, for one, blame Freud. Because he existed. But you have to admit, on a certain level it is funny.
- Login to post comments
Harry Potty-mouth
Submitted by Blackthorn on Sun, 09/11/2005 - 02:12.
Mummmmm... Hermione.
- Login to post comments
Harry Potty-mouth
Submitted by Heather on Sun, 09/11/2005 - 08:48.
Firefly wrote:
You are all sick and twisted, you do realize that right?
Of course we are, but so are you... I remembered something you'd said a while back and managed to find it (Movie Recommendations p. 14 if you want to check for yourself).
Firefly wrote:
As a disturbing aside, I am beginning to see a potential hotty in the 14 year old Daniel Radcliffel. Not like right now, but a short way down the road as he approaches adulthood. Is that wrong? I'm terribly afraid it is. Sigh...
Fear not, you're in good company Kris. :)
- Login to post comments
Harry Potty-mouth
If Harry Potter were really written like this, I might actually read it. :wink:
Harry Potty-mouth
How do you know the later books aren't written like that, my dear? :)
Harry Potty-mouth
Depends, is the next book titled 'Harry Does Hounslow'? :P
Harry Potty-mouth
Nope. Rumor among fans is, it'll be Harry Potter and the Long Night with his Left Hand. Sorry to disappoint.