Submitted by Stalker on Sun, 07/28/2002 - 05:32
Posted in
...at that time Gunther came along wearing his shiny emerald slippers and stood next to the manatee.
Luke, flush with anger took out his lightsaber and attempted to kill both Gunther and the Manatee. He aimed for thier heads and swiped his light saber.
Nothing happened, Luke realised that his light Saber had ran out of batteries.
With that, depressed Luke ran away screaming, "I'll be back"
Gunther....
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... actually a cunningly diguised lunchbox. It turned out Dr No had dropped the wrong package. either that or he was taking the whole momma thing way to seriously.
James/luke took up the lunch box and opened it. Tuna! again! some momma's never learn! Yet James/Luke picked up the tuna sandwich and was about to take a bit when...
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...Doctor No Momma exploded! He'd dropped the lunch box and taken the bomb, after all!
James/Luke shielded his head from the bits and pieces of Doctor No Momma falling all around him. But Doctor No Momma was not made of blood and guts. He / She was made of...
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...sugar and bits of pasta. And as some of them fell on James/Lukes' face and he tasted them, he thought it was quite tasty stuff Doctor No Momma was made of. So James/Luke threw away the tuna sandwich and gathered as much of Doctor No Momma he could in the lunch box.
After that off he went in search of Gunther but then remembered....
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Doctor No Momma had always told him don't start the day with out clean underwear so he...
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...decided to get some clean ones...but not before he took off the old ones. So he did. Right there. In the open.
But what he found was this:
Removing the undewear had split him in two. It was magic dirty underear. Now there was Luke with dirty underwear and James with clean underwear.
"Hey!" they said at once.
"What?"
"Hey!"
"Shh!"
Then silence.
Slowly, Luke said.....
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"Phew...I thought you'd never remember to change those."
James stared at him in confusion. Then, without warning, images flashed in his mind, and he began to recall....
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....these messages out loud to Luke: "I just had a vision Luke"
Luke looked at James is disgust and said "No fair, that's my department"
James looked insulted "Is not, I just had a vision that Doctor No Mama had given birth to both of us and used the magic undies to bind us because we started fighting too much"
Luke thought for a moment, "Oh yeah I remember, and it was you who always started the fight"
James "Did not"
Luke "Did too!"
James "NOT!"
Luke "Did too, and for the truth of this conversation I challenge you to a lightsaver duel"
And with that....
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...Luke "vwooomed" out his lightsaber, and James "kweeked" out his banana, because James didn't own a lightsaber, and with banana squishy flying everywhere, they had a fight. It wasn't a bitchin' fight. It wasn't an exciting fight. It wasn't much of a fight, to be honest. It was kind of anti-climactic, sad.
Luke kicked the living daylights out of James Bond!
Then in his best Barry White voice, Luke said "Awwwww yeah."
He put his lightsaber away and thought again about Gunther.
Then...
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An unbearably attractive manatee strolled by wearing her "little black dress" and strappy shoes. Luke fell deeply, unswervingly in love with her and decided to follow her home. He fell in step behind the creature and followed her to...
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...grandma's house. It seemed that this lady was infact the notorious not so little black riding hood. She was a spy who worked for as an under cover agent for the G.R.A.N.D.M.A (Gross Rotten And Nearly Disgustingly Miscellenous Agency).
As Luke neared the house he...
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Ooooops, that was me above :oops: !
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...became suspicious. Maybe it had something to do with that big, fat manatee in a black dress flopping leg-lessly behind him. She didn't walk very well. She had the strappy shoes on her flippers, of course, and a sexy face of manatee whiskers, but her strolling left tons to be desired.
"Will you hurry up?" Luke said.
"I'm trying. I'm flopping!"
"Say...." He looked into her deep brown eyes. "What deep brown eyes you have. And what big flippers you have!"
The manatee got quiet...
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She had never been hit on by such a handsome, blue-eyed young man before. She stood very still, and blushed charmingly.
Luke was done in by the blush. He batted his lashes at the manatee. "Marry me!" he blurted out, astonished at his own impulsiveness.
The manatee...
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...blushed even harder "I can't" she stammered
"Why not?" Luke said.
"It's because, I am already married...to your brother James!" She replied.
"Oh that doesn't matter, you can always get a divorce" He replied.
"Yes, i have filed for a divorce" she replied "But I still can't marry you"
"WHY NOT!" He said getting quite frustrated.
"Well because I want to marry Gunther" after that.....
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...it was too much for Luke.
He bellowed, "Nooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo!" and inhaled. "Noooooooooooooooo!" and inhaled again. "Nooooooooooooooooooo!."
And then...
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...twiddled his thumbs idly wondering what possible strangeness would come next, and nearly gave himself a brain hemmorage trying to stop the thought. Too late!
A helmet-wearing spaceman zoomed in on his jet-pack and landed in front of the pile of assorted junk. "Hey kid! Seen a whackjob calling himself Luke come through here?"
Gunther was tempted to just point, but he could not resist the urge to...
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draw a detailed picture of the story hence far in the sand at his feet, attempting to fill the stranger in on everything that had been going on.
However, the stranger, a bounty hunter by trade, at that moment recognized the manatee as an intergalactic terrorist with a huge price on her head. He pointed his pistol at her and growled, "You're comin with me, Princess."
Gunther was unsure what to do or say. He looked at the manatee and saw...
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...that Oh My God, she had a big friggin' uzi!
Gunther ducked, and over his head the bullets started flying, back and forth, back and forth.
After a moment, the smoke cleared. Gunther stood. He looked around. He saw....
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bits of fluffy, pink, cotton candy everywhere. Apparently the whole place was made of the stuff and the manatee's bullets had sent it flying. He remembered at that moment that he was hungry, so he bent and pulled a tuft of the sticky sweet out of the bounty hunter's body and shrugged. Nibbling, he started off, ignoring the manatee's heartfelt pleas. Gunther continued to explore until he came to a river. Sailing upon it he saw...
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An Island up ahead an then also noticed that the river he had been travelling in had turned chocolaty brown, like CHOCOLATE MILK! Gunther then saw smoke rising from the Island and found himself quickly approaching an island with a factory on it, the factory named "Willy Wonka's Chocolate factory".
Gunther reached the island on his sail setting his foot down on the....
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That was me! :oops: Sorry! :oops: Everyone should probably know by now that any guest post is mine, as i seem to be having a huge problem of having automatically be logged off in the matter of seconds.......help!
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...frozen buttermilk dock. A gate surrounded the factory. It's bars were made of candy canes, and the grass was laced with LSD.
The front door opened, and who should emerge? None other than Marlynn Manson, and 8 tiny rein-beers. The beers were made of chocolate, and they sounded rather drunk, because of the way the Umpa-d, clumsily down the walk.
"Way, make way!" Manson said, his top hat taller and taller. It seems that as he approached, his stature didn't falter. But Manson was limping badly, a guitar being used for a cane. His leg was crooked and loose. His manner rather lame.
Manson did a tumble, a Wylder-abandoned tumble. He didn't come up standing. Gunther assumed it was a fumble. His beer companions helped him, brought him to standing. They brushed off his purple jacket, and complimented his landing.
Gunther was confused. He wasn't amused. He said...
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"Where is the real Mr. Wonka, I wonder? Has something occured to cause him to go under? This is really quite distressing as I find your presence as offensive as your music is depressing."
Manson frowned and looked all around. "Pardon me boy," he sounded rather coy. "But are you referring to moi?"
Gunther said...
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"Yes old man, I take my stand, you are in no way Mr Wonka"
"Ah, tis true" he said with a blue "It is quite a dread that Wonka is dead, and I am now in my...um....new thread"
With that Mr Manson did a little walk, showed off his new suit and then started to talk "He left me the factory, now that he is history, I am now making greath chocolate pastery" He gestured to Gunther to come in and wander.
Gunther wondering *man this place smells as bad as his rhyming*
Manson then...
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..."Why yes I am." he gave Marylin Manson an obstinent look, so he thought he might as well come clean.
" I am the reall wonka. I took over after my father died. Strange jovial man that he was.... Now I must carry on in his place... If you want to know more, you must...
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:oops: ^^^ that was me....
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rub the belly of my brown cow" Merlyn Mason said, pointing to the brown chocolaty cow in the corner.
"You mean MY cow" said Gunther "I inherited it from my daddy"
"No you did not" replied MM
"Did TOO" said Gunther.
MM was about to reply but when suddenly a sound was heard from the sky above them and both MM and Gunther looked up to see a hovering.....
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... jelly baby having a mid air battle with a stick of orbit gum.... ON seeing this, MM said...
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That gives me an idea!" He ran away from Gunther and through the front door of the factory. Gunther shrugged, watched the aerial display for a few more minutes and then calmly skipped into the factory too. Once inside, he was quite bored to see...
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..MM pulling the utters of the brown cow to derive some kind of...chocolate milk? He thought that MM would most likely be making a jelly baby or something. Gunther was about to approach MM when he heard yet another sound in the air. This time he looked up to see James on the hippo mobile which was flying.
"Aha"He said "I knew if i followed you i would find the chocolate factory" And with that James jumped off the hovering hippo and landed on the floor with a thump.
He then took out handcuffs and a laser gun and started to put the cuffs on MM "You are under arrest for milking a chocolate cow without license. For that you will....
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be forced to eat liver and onions with pistachio sauce three times a day for the next ten years. You must do this while sitting on top of a pole in the middle of the Las Vegas strip. Gunther, you must assume control of the factory. But make sure all your permits and licenses are in order."
Gunther nodded, watching James and MM soar away into the air in a Easterly-Southerly sort of direction.
Gunther waited until they were out of sight and then pulled his fish phone out of his pocket and dialed his attorney, the mermaid. After a half dozen rings, ...
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...the whole world exploded!
For no reason, yes, it exploded, and everyone ever worth knowing died.
Except for Gunther, of course, who found himself floating around in space with bits of chocolate, specks of candy cane, his fish phone, and a purple tophat. Gunther was surprised that he could breath in space, and when he flapped his arms, he could just manage to propel himself toward a bright star off in the distance.
But his troubles were just beginning...
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because after just a minute he felt as if his molecules were splitting apart and then he heard a "whizzzzzzzzzzzzinnnnnnnnnnggggggggg" sound and found himself beamed up onto something.
He looked around and found himself in a ship. In front of him he found a chubby man. He said "Ai, my name is Scotty. Welcome to the starship enterprise......
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please be my guest and join me in a meal of curry"
Guther looked around the ship it wasn't really much of a ship more like a inflatable life raft.
Gunther decided to humour the obviously insane man "yes I would enjoy a good curry right now" Scotty laughed manicly and proceeded to take his shirt off and tear all the hair from his chest and eat it.
Of course Gunther was stunned but he also took of his shirt and...
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then decided that he must also be crazy to do the same thing. He looked at Scotty and found him chewing at his hair and shirt, seems he was enjoying every chew. Gunther knew that the environment of the space may have something to do with the way Scotty was acting.
After a while Scotty burped out loud and wiped his mouth with the remainder of his shirt.
"So, Ai wanted to ask ye. Would you be the captain of this ship. Seems we lost the old one."
"Oh, wat happened to him?" Gunther inquired.
"Oh, nothin' much. I just got hungry and ate him. He wasn't as delious as I thought he'd be." Scotty burped again.
Gunther looked astonished and then he.....
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... Stole the pepper grinder that Scotty had been using to season him self.
"Ok Scotty, either You tell me whats going on, or a vaporise the pepper grinder and all its contents!"
Scotty absorbed this information and then proceeded to...
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put his hand in his trousers and took out another pepper shaker.
"Nah nah nah nah naaaaa" Scotty said.
"Darn" Gunther said "Now what?"
"Well, i'll still tell you whats going on. You see this peppr in the pepper shaker is not just an ordinary pepper. It is a pepper bomb. When i dropped this pepper shaker from here towards earth it unleashed a spray of pepper all over. Then as a time bomb the entire world sneezed at once and the world exploded, just like their heads, mwhahahahahaha."
"Oh, my!" Gunther said "Then how come...."
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sleeping beauty is behind you?"
as Scotty looked behind himself Gunther Snatched the peper from Scotty's hand.
"Hahaha the old look behind you trick gets them every time" Guther laughed as he dived out of the liferaft and back into the depths of space.
Suddenly...
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Gunther realsied just before jumping off that there actually was a sleeping beauty behind Scotty. And currantly Scotty and the Bueaty were kissing.
"No" Gunther gasped "It can't be true, she's mine, NOOOOOOOOOOOO"
And down and down Gunther fell into the mist of nothingness.
Gunther thought he'd be falling forever when he suddenly landed with a big THUD. *hmmmm, i wonder where i am and why i haven't caught fire*
Lookg behind him he realsied that his backside was indeed on fire. Yelping at the realisation, Gunther jumped up and down to put out the fire. When he was done, he looked around and found....
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that he was actually on a small asteroid being sucked down into a black hole.
Gunther screamed like a little girl and closed his eyes and tried to think of a few of his favorite things he started to sing "raindrops on roses and whiskers on kittens...
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.. when someone walking past the asteroid yelled
"SHUT UP ALREADY!" on further ovservation, Gunther discovered this person to be Marilyn Manson, yet again. MM, it would appear, was standing in thin vacuum.
"Hey, what are you doing here? And how do you do that?"
"WEll..." MM erplied "I just managed to escape before the world blew up and now i need to lie low for a while, so I painted this black hole to scare people off with. Verr realistic I think. I might add it to my water colour gallery... What do you think?"
At this Gunther answered...
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, but before he could MM got sucked into the "black hole".
It seemed that MM had painted a black hole that had been left a few light-year-blocks away, this black hole was real.
Gunther looked into the black hole wanting to find a screaming MM disappearing frm his sight, but instead found.....