Below is the result of your feedback form. It was submitted by
(rp_cordy@hotmail.com) on Monday, November 8, 2004 at 08:13:49
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charname: Katrina Emily Marshal
race: Vampire
gender: Female
bdate: 12/12/86 (turned in 2000) Los Angelos California.
group: The Cult Of Fascion
position: - - -
descript: Green eyes with a brown ring, Long Brown long layered hair, and a fair body that simulates Faith's. Mocha toned skin and a soft voice.
history: Was Born in L.A. in 1986. She lived with her mother and brother until 1994, when her mother died and she had to take care of her brother. She played in bands and worked in bars to make 'ends meat' until 2000, when a vampire by the name of Vulmoris, befriended her against the will of his comrad, Kaylon. Kalon seeked revenge after Vulmoris chose his human friend over his vampire breed, by killing Katrina's little brother Mike, then biting her and leaveing her for dead. Vulmoris found her half dead laying in her kitchen and changed her to save their love. After 2003, Kaylon killed his long time friend,Vulmoris. And now, still with ervenge in her heart, she seeks for him under the will of her own for the sake of her brother and lover.
items: I'm not sure what this question means.
powers: New century vampire, just a normal vampire with a smart ass attitude.
played_by: Stacy Dash
player: This is my first. I've Role Played at www.buffy.com, www.thebuffysite.com, and www.buffy.spyw.com before as Katrina, Wesley's little sister, and as Cordelia Chase, Spike and every once in a while Buffy. I have my own Buffy/Angel site: http://groups.msn.com/BuffyTheVampireSlayerRolePlayChatandInfo
age: over13
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Character Proposal: Katrina Emily Marshall
Aside from the "Cult of Faschion" reference. This isn't so bad. Not outstanding, mind you, but not terrible either.
Character Proposal: Katrina Emily Marshall
Hmm, the dates are obviously an issue. She played in bands and worked in bars from the age of EIGHT??? (1986 to 1994). And being made a vampire in 2000 means she's perpetually locked as a 14-year-old. I don't mind that so much, but the working in bars thing leads me to believe she meant her birthdate to be 1976 perhaps...
More detail would be nice - this is a very short write up. And if she's a member of the LA branch of the Cult of Fascion, I'd be interested to learn how she escaped the slaughter engendered by Nicholas.
Overall, I'd like to see a lot more depth to this character. There's some potential here, but it needs work.
Character Proposal: Katrina Emily Marshall
Pfffffffffffft
Character Proposal: Katrina Emily Marshall
constructive critism Matt :wink:
ok well I mean i dont think its horrible, and I think we need some new life in here. If she revised alittle and put abit more detail it could be cool. (plus if sheis willing to revise, it shows she is interested )
Character Proposal: Katrina Emily Marshall
Hmm, there are elements that I like in this such as Katrina being befriended by a vampire and then him having to make her a vampire to save her life - though if it was me rather than make this my backstory I'd begin with Katrina as a human and tell the above story in-game. It would make for far more interesting storytelling. Since Katrina is already in LA working in bars the transition could be made much quicker if she worked at one of the places frequented by the White Hats.
We've not had a story where someone from the group is actually turned (it was kind of touched on with Jade but never fulfilled) it would be interesting to see a story where a friend was made a vampire.
Anyway, though I like the basic story there's much in this submission that would need cleanign up. I don't know why we should be bothered whether her green eyes have a brown ring for instance :? or that her hair is so long it needs to be mentioned twice ;)
If the player was willing to rewrite I'd certainly be willing to give it a second look. There's potential but it needs to be worked upon.
Character Proposal: Katrina Emily Marshall
I think I've become so very spoiled. First thing I thought was "too short to be any good". But, honestly, there are a couple of things here that really do have potential. I'd be very interested in seeing this idea fleshed out some more.