If Star Wars were set in Glasgow...
Darth Vader would referred to as 'Auld Helmet Heid' or in moments of stress 'That Dome-Heided Basturd'.
Chewbacca would look roughly the same except he'd only be about 5ft tall, from Blackhill and called Shug. He'd have the same amount of body hair but would also have tattoos, would permanently smell of drink and sport a Celtic top.
Obi-Wan Kenobi would invariably be referred to as Chief or Big Yin by his cohorts. People trying to start a fight with him would address him as ****y-Nobby.
R2D2 would refuse to go out on the streets after 10pm because of the number of drunks who would try to stuff chip ****rs in his head casing or p*ss on him. He would also refuse to go near groups of wee boys at any time because of the high risk of being spray painted/dumped in front of a speeding train/set on fire.
Although proficient in over 3500 languages C3P0 would still be unable to understand anything anyone from the East End of Glasgow said. He would regularly get beaten up for being a 'greetin-faced poof fae Milngavie'.
The Millenium Falcon would have static strips, tinted windscreens and extra-flared exhaust ports. It would have a Daily Record I Love Scotland sticker in the back window and a saltire bumper sticker.
Princess Leia would get captured by Darth Vader because it's hard to run very fast when you're wearing 5 inch platform heels and a tiny silver mini-skirt which keeps hiking up over your **** every two steps. And you've been a heavy smoker since you were 6.
The best way to destroy the Death Star would not turn out to be a desperate all out attack. Two easy ways would be - alter its orbit so it passed through Bridgeton and tell the locals it was full of kafflicks, or - leave it unattended in Easterhouse.
Lines from the film as they would be uttered in the vernacular:-
Han Solo "I've got a real bad feeling about this"
"Ah'm ****in' ma sel' here boy"
"Bring 'em on! I prefer a straight fight to all this sneaking around."
"Come right ahead then c**ts! Fight the f**ing lot o ye!"
"There's no mystical energy field controls my destiny." "
The Force?!! D'youse think ah came doon wi the rain?!"
"Hokey religions and ancient weapons are no match for a good blaster at your side, kid."
"Nae messin aboot wi the god squad and auld rubbish, wee man. Get yersel' a decent shooter"
Darth Vader trying to shoot down Luke Skywalker:
"The Force is strong in this one"
"Stop shooglin' ya wee b*stad!"
Princess Leia:
"You're a little short for a Stormtrooper aren't you?"
"Ah didny think they took short-erses in the polis?"
"This bucket of bolts is never going to get us past that blockade."
"Wuv goat NAE chance in this pile o' sh*te"
Adm***l Motti:
"Don't try to frighten us with your sorcerer's ways, Lord Vader."
"You think you're that hard, Vader so ye do. Well we're no feart ae you!"
Obi Wan:
"I felt a great disturbance in the Force."
"F*** me! whit wiz aw that?"
Luke to the Emperor:
"Your overconfidence is your weakness."
"Oh ye bloody think so?, i'll make you feel the f***ing force pal!!"
- Login to post comments
Post to Twitter
More Things we Felt Compelled To share
El em ef ay oh! I almost peed myself on that one, Jamie.
On a side note, school ends for me in 21 days counting weekends! Huzzah! Then, the 17th- 19th, I'm off to an anime convention with my friends.
Also, I can finally catch up on the boards. I've been so distracted by school this year I'm about to explode.
More Things we Felt Compelled To share
Im sharing that tomorrow, im leaving this boiling oven of a country, and headed back to the nice climate of Canada!!! (thats right, Saturday at 6 im landing back in Montreal WOHOOOOO)
Also more importantly, Sunday im going to see SW 3!!!
More Things we Felt Compelled To share
Ooooh, goodie! Shauny's coming home!! :D Tee Hee!
More Things we Felt Compelled To share
Looking forward to swapping stories with you when you get back Shaun. Had a couple of interesting events in the last few weeks and I bet you did too!
SW3? Bah, seen it twice now. Old hat my friend ;)
On an unrelated note...
Its friday today. Its bloody hot. I finished college (for good) at 10:30am. All shaping up to be an excellent day.
It sucked. I got home at 11 and now, 6:30, haven't left the house. I've spent six hours sitting around waiting for the NTL man to arrive (He's supposed to be coming to swap our modem's, because NTL is charging the same amount as we're paying a month for a new 2mb connection but staying very hush-hush about it (the cheeky bastards). But a friend on NTL got the upgrade and told me about it). He still hasn't shown up. I've been sat in doors all day, unable to leave the house because nobody else has been in it to wait for him, with no internet connection (its all been unplugged ready for him to arrive) on a lovely sunny day. Thank you NTL. Thank you very much.
Bastards
More Things we Felt Compelled To share
Fell off a motorcycle last night, MOST PAINFUL EXPERIENCE EVER btw. Actully im mostly ok just missing all the skin off my forearms and knees so far only missed one day of work because of it and now I got 2 days off so hopefully i'll be all healed up and ready to go for Sunday!
More Things we Felt Compelled To share
YIKES!!! 8O 8O Ugh, feeling woosy now.... hope you're feeling better Nick.
More Things we Felt Compelled To share
Haha, ya hurt like hell for a day but its all good now luckily.
More Things we Felt Compelled To share
That sounds a tad nasty. But I'm glad to hear you're healing up all right!
More Things we Felt Compelled To share
The Empire Strikes Back - George Lucas' version of the dialogue
More Things we Felt Compelled To share
That comic pwuthreens jayzerozero!
More Things we Felt Compelled To share
Dude, we could so totally start a new hip net lingo: phonetic l337!
More Things we Felt Compelled To share
Tomorrow is my last real day of school. Next week is all finals *dies* However, next Friday- Sunday I'll be at AnimeNEXT 2005... with purple hair. I will post pictures. However, after the convention, my mother is forcing me to go job hunting.
Bee tee double yoo, I've been keeping up with the boards and everyone is doing a fantastic job with the Star Wars game. Kudos!
More Things we Felt Compelled To share
Well, tomorrow is my last tests. On Thursday I have to come in because my music teacher is a doucebag. But, it'll be the last day of school so it won't be so bad.
Also, my hair is going purple tomorrow night for my costume for Anime NEXT. I shall be Gaz from "Invader Zim", my hero:
More Things we Felt Compelled To share
Another comic from PhD, where I empathise with Mike Slackerny. I still can't believe he's done his defence....
More Things we Felt Compelled To share
Something not to say during ritual....
I don't really blame them for what they do, either. :)
More Things we Felt Compelled To share
Phil Plait refutes the Apollo Moon Landing Hoax Theory. Fun because it points out simultaneously just how wierd things can be in reality, and how clever a conspiracy theorist has to be.
More Things we Felt Compelled To share
You are always complaining you can't speak Spanish... well, I found a quick course for you :D
There's always something new to learn and try.
For example if you say "pair done", Latin people will understand: "perdon" (sorry).
Try the next ones:
1. Boy as n r = Voy a cenar = I'm gonna have a dinner
2. N L C John = en el sillón = on the armchair
3. Be a hope and son = viejo panzón = fat old man
4. This s poor as stunt air e us = Dices puras tonterías = you're saying dumb things.
5. S toy tree stone = estoy tristón = I'm kinda sad.
6. Lost trap eat toss = los trapitos = the little rags
7. A key eye poor agree jug = aquí hay pura grilla = there's only politics arround here.
8. Desk can saw = descanso = (I) rest.
9. As say toon as = aceitunas = olives.
10. Cell eye jug, one a what toe = Celaya Guanajuato = Celaya
Guanajuato (City in central Mexico)
11. Be a has r when there us = viejas arguenderas = arguing bitches
12. Come at a lost ugh wack cat tess = comete los aguacates = eat the avocados
13. The head the star mall less stan dough = deje de estar molestando = stop bugging me.
14. Kit at tell loss war at chess = quitate los guaraches = take off
your sandals
15. Ball add the pay jazz sad us = bola de payasadas = silly stuff.
16. See eye = sí, hay = yes, there is
17. T n s free o = tienes frío = are you ccold?
18. S taz pen the ho = estás pendejo = you are an asshole.
19. T N S L P P B N T S O = Tienes el pipí bien tieso = you have an erection.
More Things we Felt Compelled To share
Oh God, Ally, please... no Spanish. I couldn't stand my Spanish teacher this year (of all the illegal immigrants coming into the country, she stays) and I have a BIG ASS Spanish III assignment to do over the summer.
More Things we Felt Compelled To share
Just what you needed to say in Spanish :P
More Things we Felt Compelled To share
I hate my housemates.
Last week, we got a complaint from the city. Something about trimming back bushes obstructing traffic. Well, I couldn't find any obstructing, but you know? I don't drive. I also shouldn't have been surprised at all; the city hates college students and absentee landlords. When the president of the civic association lives right next door to you, and he wants more families in college park, it shouldn't be a surprise when you get a warning.
But because he's right there, and my supervisor is the editor of the newsletter, may be why we only get warnings. He probably knows by now that I try to keep the deadheads under control. But let's get back to today.
Victor tells me, last weekened, "Don't worry about it. I'll take care of it."
Why am I outside, today, cutting trees? And why did I get a phone call from Tami saying that his version of "taking care of it" was to call her and ask about it?
Gott im Himmel.
More Things we Felt Compelled To share
http://www.kontraband.com/show/show.asp?ID=1159
seriously watch this its so fucking funny
More Things we Felt Compelled To share
Can NWN (NeverWinter Nights for the uneducated :P) possibly take any longer to install? I mean, sersiouly. The game itself has three disks. That's three progress bars alone (and these things aren't quick. We're talking anywhere between 3-5 minutes each). Then, you have to put the first disk in again for another install bar.
If you have the Shadow's of Undrentide expansion back, that only has one disk but four progress bars again, also lasting about 3-5 minutes.
Then you have to patch it. Downloading the patch takes about 10mins, and don't even get me started on how long it takes to actually patch.
I mean, yeah when you think about it 3-5mins isn't that long but I thought we had moved forward in technology? Besides, I'm a child of the 21st century :D
Lets not forget the CEP (Community Expansion Pack) as well. That's another 15min download time...
I don't know how long it takes to actually install because I've just given up :P I'll do it later...
More Things we Felt Compelled To share
hehe, reaminds me of the fun times i had installing and updating my patches for WoW (world of warcraft) and... oh god 8O i just remembered how long it's been since i last played and how many friggen patches they've probs uploaded now... crap.
I'll never be able to play again! :cry:
More Things we Felt Compelled To share
So, its 1:30pm and I've just got up after getting in at 3ish (not too sure when it was exactly...but around that time) from my college valedictory ball.
Wow that was fun. I don't think I've ever drunk so much vodka and red bull or talked to so many people in such a short space of time. It really hit home how many people I've met over the last two years (or longer if they went to school with me) and that after last night I'll probably never see most of them again, and how much I'm going to miss the rest when I move away in a couple of months :(
Anyway, two years of college was worth it just for last night :D Gonna try and get hold of some pics so I can show you all what I was wearing (because I know you all want to see *looks at Shaun and Meghan*).
More Things we Felt Compelled To share
Hey, me too!!
More Things we Felt Compelled To share
Okay, I'm going MSN right now for the sole purpose of those pics :P
More Things we Felt Compelled To share
It won't surprise any of you to read the following: I'm a semi-regular poster on a philosophy board. What might surprise is the thing that's going to come next.
One of the posters is a member of the UCD philosophical society, which has its yearly publication, and is putting out another call for papers. It's more popular-level and freshman-geared, though. But this isn't the fun part. The fun part was just this morning, I downloaded the PDF of the current issue.
I can now claim to be a published author. :)
UCD's Cogito
More Things we Felt Compelled To share
Congrats on joing the ranks of the published, Adam! It's an odd feeling seeing your byline for the first time, isn't it?
More Things we Felt Compelled To share
Anyone care to help in an act of terraforming?
http://www.worldjumpday.org
More Things we Felt Compelled To share
More Things we Felt Compelled To share
Id like to share that i was on the Radio this morning because I was the 9th Caller through, and I knew Doctor Doom ruled over 'Latveria'
I am now the proud owner of a huge fantastic four Prize pack....im anxious to see whats in it!
More Things we Felt Compelled To share
Strangely enough, so am I.
More Things we Felt Compelled To share
I guarentee you a shirt of the radio station will be in there and a bunch of other useless crap :)
More Things we Felt Compelled To share
more:
Irregular Webcomic
EDIT: Honorable Mention
More Things we Felt Compelled To share
I'm gonna be gone all next week, from the 24th to the 30th. Thought you guys ought to know.
More Things we Felt Compelled To share
Hey, I just noticed that two days ago it was my LAbn birthday number 2!!!
Two years around here, yay!!
More Things we Felt Compelled To share
For those of you so inclined, I present to you a small observation from Book Six. And I use the hide text, even though it involves only the usage of the certain language which I am forever translating, especially Old Tully next semester, due to certain people hating anything so much as resembling a spoiler. There, that should be enough of a break. :)
[hide]JK Rowling actually got a bit of Latin right.
Let me type that again: JK Rowling actually got a bit of Latin right. After years of quasi-Latin to the point of mangeling endings (Crucio, `I am torturing` makes sense; but Expelliarmus not only isn't a real ending, it looks like it should be singular PLURAL! We are expelling; though I would have gone for third person and named the object of the spell, but that's a minor technicality).
Imagine my excitement when, 500-some odd pages into the book, Harry said "Quid agis?" to someone? And not only did he use a bit of real Latin, but the person's reply indicated that he actually used it with the intended meaning.[/hide]
More Things we Felt Compelled To share
Fear the Sumo Florist
More Things we Felt Compelled To share
Hollywood Stock Exchange: For those of you who like entertainment
More Things we Felt Compelled To share
http://www.zippyvideos.com/211129792726595.html
Ha ha, funny FamilyGuy skit
More Things we Felt Compelled To share
Governmentium
A major research institution has recently announced the discovery of the heaviest element yet known to science.
The new element has been named "Governmentium.
Governmentium has one neutron, 12 assistant neutrons, 75 deputy neutrons, and 224 assistant deputy neutrons, giving it an atomic mass of 312.
These 312 particles are held together by forces called morons, which are surrounded by vast quantities of particles called peons.
Since Governmentium has no electrons, it is inert. However, it can be detected, because it impedes every reaction with which it comes into contact.
A minute amount of Governmentium causes one reaction to take over four days to complete, when it would normally take less than a second.
Governmentium has a normal half-life of 4 years; it does not decay, but
instead undergoes a reorganization in which a portion of the assistant
neutrons and deputy neutrons exchange places.
In fact, Governmentium's mass will actually increase over time, since each reorganization will cause more morons to become neutrons, forming
isodopes.
This characteristic of moron promotion leads some scientists to believe that Governmentium is formed whenever morons reach a certain quantity in concentration.
This hypothetical quantity is referred to as "Critical Morass." When catalyzed with money, Governmentium becomes Administratium -an element which radiates just as much energy as the Governmentium since it has half as many peons but twice as many morons."
More Things we Felt Compelled To share
http://www.izpitera.ru/lj/tetka.swf
Weird game that is actually kinda fun
More Things we Felt Compelled To share
Lord Vader reads your mind!
More Things we Felt Compelled To share
HA! I beat Lord Vader. :) It took him 24 questions to get 'chameleon'.
More Things we Felt Compelled To share
"Yoda" a Short Film
More Things we Felt Compelled To share
Well, today was Judgement Day. Today I got my exam results that basically dictated which Uni I'll be going to. For Sheffield (where I wanted to go) I needed an ABB.
I got...
AAA
Woooooot! :banllama:
*Does the happy dance*
Party over here, party over here!
More Things we Felt Compelled To share
Woo hoo! Way to go, Matt. :) I'm thinking you'll be spending this weekend like this... :drunk:
More Things we Felt Compelled To share
Congrats Matt!!!!
More Things we Felt Compelled To share
:D
And guess what?
I just passed my driving theory too!
Yay!
This is a good day...
More Things we Felt Compelled To share
:D :D :D Felicidades Matt!!! :D :D :D